I deserve you
by Gleek foster kid
Summary: Callie has to deal with Lena and the aftermath of her decisions (Spoilers for 5X01). One shot. I think I fixed the format that was messed up.


"I'm going to go take a shower," Callie said as Stef turned the car off, breaking the silence that felt like a wall between them. She didn't know what else to say, Stef had been silent besides the hitch in her breath every once in a while. Stef didn't say anything or make any move to get out of the car so Callie left it at that, leaving Stef in the car and making a bee line to the upstairs bathroom, making sure to lock the door.

Callie's only thought was she had to get out of the clothes she was wearing, she had to wash him off of her. She could still feel his fingers graze her skin. The ghost of him felt like burns etched in her skin. Taking a cotton ball she soaked it in Mariana's makeup remover, rubbing vigorously at the makeup the girl had put on her. How many times had the girl put the makeup on herself to please a man? Callie wondered. Did the girl feel the same way she felt? Did she wash it off in disgust at the end of the night?

She pulled the tank top and bra over her head, throwing them in the trash can next to the caught a glimpse of her smeared makeup and pale skin in the mirror before she turned quickly so she wouldn't have to look at herself. The jeans and underwear went into the garbage next. She waited until the room was full of steam before she stepped into the shower, letting the water burn her skin. Maybe the burn of the water would erase the burns of him.

Mom was disgusted with her, she knew it. She didn't look at her any other way then she did Diamond, a sad case for her to save. But what if she couldn't be saved? What if she let all of them get attached to her for nothing? Sh wished she never promised Jude and Mariana that she wouldn't run away again. Maybe that's where she was supposed to be. Maybe she wasn't supposed to be in this world. And it was that last fleeting thought that made her break down. The tears started and she couldn't stop them. She curled onto the bottom of the tub and switched the shower to a running bath, watching the water raise as she cried and thought about her grandfather's funeral and how her mom had held her in the backyard while she cried.

"Come on My Love, time to give your siblings a turn in the bathroom before a riot starts." Her Momma's voice pulled her out of her head. At some point she must have shut the water off because she was sitting in a full tub, her sobs had settled to silent tears. She silently took some water and washed the tears from her face. Saying a silent prayer to her deceased mother for her Momma not to be too disappointed with her, for her trial to turn out alright. For the world to start turning again.

She had laid in bed for over an hour tossing and turning, trying to get images out of her head. After the last grumbled "Callie" from a tired Mariana Callie decided to get up and go downstairs. Tiptoeing past the hall and down the stairs she headed to the kitchen, making herself a cup of tea. She noticed her Mom and Momma outside talking and she tried to be as quiet as possible. Curling up in the breakfast nook she hoped they wouldn't notice her. She didn't think she could face either of them. After about 15 minutes she heard the back door shut and clanking of glass against glass, them filling their wine glasses Callie figured. She figured if she curled into a corner into the breakfast nook she wouldn't be noticed but she wasn't that lucky.

When Stef and Lena walked into the breakfast nook they spotted Callie instantly and when Lena handed her wine glass to Stef Callie internally sighed. Lena firmly grabbed Callie's cup of tea from her hands and set it on the floor by their face. Callie looked away but felt Hands on her face. Lena Held her face in her hands, even through the flinch Callie had at the contact. "What the hell where you thinking Callie Adams-Foster?" Lena asked harshly, "No look at me," she said when Callie looked tried to look anywhere but her Momma's eyes.

"I didn't want Diamond to take Christina. What if something happened to her?" She asked softly, intimidated at the harsh tone her Momma rarely ever had with them.

"What if something happened to you?" Lena countered.

"She didn't deserve that." Callie said a little louder to try and make her Momma understand.

"Look me in the eye and tell me I deserve to have another one of my babies taken away from me." Lena spoke harsher. "Look at your Mom and tell her she deserves to lose her mini-me. If you don't value yourself, think about what we would go through."

"I-"

"No excuses." Lena said before Callie could start arguing. "This isn't just about you Callie. This isn't a 'Jude is safe so it doesn't matter what happens to Callie'. You almost made Me and Mom loose another baby. Jude, Jesus, Mariana and Brandon lose another sister. Can you tell them they don't deserve to have you?"

"I thought I wasn't going to be around anyways," Callie whispered tears starting to fill her eyes for the 100th time that night.

"I would rather have my Baby in prison than in the ground," Lena said, her voice softening at the tear filled eyes. "Why can't you understand we need you as much as Jude did all those years. That me and Mom would be lost without you. Mom just spent the last hour crying while you were safe upstairs, how do you think she'd be if you weren't ok?"

Callie dared to peak over at her Mom who had sat on the bench beside them, apparently finding great interest in the glass of wine she was staring intently at. Her eyes were red from crying, something she had only seen a couple times. Her face looked tired and aged.

Callie started crying fully and Lena brought her in her arms for the first time that night. Callie sighed in relief of the physical contact through her tears. She laid her head on her Momma's shoulder and relished in the fact of comfort and safety she found in the feel of rough curls and the smell of Lilacs. "Did he do anything to you, Baby?" Lena asked finally as Callie's tears had slowed. Callie shook her head against Lena's shoulder. She felt her Momma let out a breath and her Mom encircle her from behind, the crushing comfort of a Momma sandwich. After a couple minutes Stef spoke, "How about you take a meletonin and we watch a movie for a while?" She asked. Callie nodded and disentangled herself from her moms and went to upstairs to the medicine cabinet and pulled out a pill. She got through the first 30 minutes of Freedom Writers with her head on Stef's shoulder and her hand in Lena's before she fell asleep.


End file.
